I wrote the following draft in 2017: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) tells me a lot of different things. It is a part of my therapy to write down the demands of OCD so that I can realize how ridiculous and impossible the demands are. Now, I warn you: All of the things that OCD says are not necessarily bad or wrong. OCD takes good concepts and makes them extremes. For example, it's a good concept to wash your hands. OCD takes that and pushes it to the extreme saying you must wash your hands every five minutes for at least a 30-second duration, or at least until it "feels right". Buckle your seat-belts. OCD has the stage. I should be walking ten miles a day for at least five days of the week so that I may become an advanced hiker. I should be helping at every event at church and on campus. I should volunteer at several places. I should be a week ahead on all of my homework assignments. I need to be discerning my vocation, and must thus record every slight movement of consolation or desolation. I should be constantly socializing and going to social events. I need to work on my blog, but also make time for writing poetry and I must write my novel at least an hour a day. I need to develop the ideas for my twenty + other novels. I should be filling out several scholarships. I should draw for relaxation as well as create masterpieces for others. I should lose weight--no less than twenty pounds. I must not eat an ounce too much, lest I be gluttonous. I should be performing several penances. I should be fasting weekly (if not daily), and denying myself constantly. I have an endless list of books I should be reading, at least for a few minutes every night. I also should not get a minute over eight hours of sleep, lest I be lazy, and must spend every waking minute being productive. I should be involved in many more student organizations on campus. I must go daily to Mass and Adoration,, pray at least morning and evening prayer of the Divine Office, pray the rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, several devotionals, read several spiritual reads, and do the stations of the cross, at least fifteen minutes of mental prayer, and several other prayers (Did I mention that this all must be done daily?) I also must pray the Angelus at the 6th and 12th hours of the day and must set time aside to pray at the 3rd hours of the day. I should never spend any money unnecessarily. I must give to every homeless person I see, and should give away over 10% of what I own. I shouldn't have anything extravagant or luxurious. I must wear my clothes until they fall apart. I must love every person I see with great intensity. I must pray for every single person I come in contact with and must remember everyone's names. I must never complain, be grateful, humble, disciplined, diligent, loved by everyone, and must never have any feelings of pride, anger, self-pity, or depression. I must do all of this perfectly. I also should be extremely happy while doing all of these "shoulds" and "musts". I should feel joyful and laugh and smile through it all and be ecstatic that I'm suffering with Jesus. It's a lot, right? And I'm just scratching the surface. I could write a series of books on all of the demands that OCD presents. No wonder this can lead to depression, eh? I am told to do all of these things. I try to do at least some of them, and I do them imperfectly. Then, I get depressed because I just can't do it. Thankfully, I'm currently in a very good place this year of 2021. My OCD is not bad and thank God, I'm not depressed! All praise to our good Lord, who heals our ills.
2 Comments
Stephanie
2/28/2021 12:50:25 pm
Wow! There is no way to even do a small fraction of all that, especially done well but reading through the list one by one they independently sound like worthy or reasonable goals so I can see how this could build with OCD. Thanks for sharing and bringing awareness. 💕 Continued prayers for all who are afflicted!
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Jacqueline
3/1/2021 04:25:01 am
Thank you for your recognition and prayers, Stephanie!
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AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
April 2021
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