Is it possible to have an awesome chat with God when my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is going wild? As contradictory as it sounds, yes. Yes, I can. I went on an awesome retreat this past week with some nuns known as the Sisters of Life and priests known as Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. During this retreat, I got to go to a beatification! Woah...that sounds like a pretty Catholic retreat. You betcha! Check the glossary for some definitions. I will tell you what a beatification is, though! It is a Mass--a celebration! Call us weird, but we Catholics celebrate dead people. Only that's because they are not really dead! Just as we celebrate Jesus dying and rising from the dead, we celebrate ordinary people who have died and are now in heaven. So, a beatification is when the Catholic Church proclaims a dead person as "Blessed." The title of "Blessed" is the step before someone gets the title of "Saint." For example, the beatification Mass that I just went to was for Fr. Solanus Casey to become Blessed Solanus Casey in the eyes of the Church (and we hope he will eventually be called Saint Solanus Casey). Now, during such holy events, I always hope for wonderful spiritual experiences in which all of my wounds are healed. I hope to receive peace and joy. Did this happen for me during the beatification? Yes, but I warn you it is not in the way we think because the peace that Jesus gives is not the same as the peace that the world gives (John 14:27). During the Mass, a ton of obsessive, intrusive, and terrifying thoughts came to my mind including:
These thoughts were initially terrors as they are for those with OCD. Those with the "OCD Cross" have what is called a "sticky brain." Every person has bizarre thoughts. Yet, every person doesn't usually dwell upon them or acknowledge them, but out of the bagillion thoughts we have a day, sometimes we think we should crash our car into a tree or swear at the person we are talking to. Most people are able to shrug these thoughts off and say, "Well, that's a weird thought." The thought then leaves and is never picked apart. However, those with the OCD Cross give extreme importance to these thoughts, saying, "Oh my gosh! I'm evil! How could I think of such a thing? I must hate God and love sin. I could even be possessed. I'm surely going to hell for allowing such impurities in my brain." See the difference? Everyone has bizarre thoughts, but those with the OCD Cross give the thoughts high importance and believe that those thoughts define who they are. So, there I was, during Mass, having these thoughts. Did God heal me of my OCD? Did He take away that cross--the thoughts? Did He give me a profound spiritual experience instead? No. And yes. He didn't take away the cross, but He certainly did give me a profound spiritual experience. As my therapist instructs me, I didn't run from the thoughts and freak out that I was damned. I acknowledged and accepted them, despite how uneasy they made me feel. Yeah, my thoughts swore at God and cursed Him. I even looked up at heaven, even though my thoughts told me I'd be struck down if I did so. These thoughts were not God's thoughts--they didn't define me. I actually even embraced the thoughts. Okay, God. Here are my thoughts. I'm just going to let them come and trust in You. People, the amazing thing is that in a sense, I don't want these thoughts to go away--not because I enjoy them or like to curse God--but because having these thoughts give me the opportunity to totally fall into the infinite mercy of God. I get to trust that God loves me and values me--even more so, He desires me--He is with me. My mind may be sick, telling me otherwise, but my heart and soul are not what's sick. My being knows that my Creator is the very definition of mercy and love. I don't need to fear imperfection or hell or evil because He has conquered evil. He has conquered the cross. That means He has conquered the OCD Cross. Yeah, the thoughts are painful and strange and scary and troublesome, but He Himself said that in this world we would have trouble, but to take courage in the fact that He has conquered the world (John 16:33). So, whether you have the OCD Cross or not, you have a cross. You likely have several crosses of different sizes. Be it mental, spiritual, emotional, or physical, that cross is actually your redemption and salvation. That cross is a grace. With it, you get to totally rely on God. Jesus was hurt and neglected and abandoned on His cross, but that cross is what brought brilliant life to us all! The ailment that you have is your means of salvation and purification, and thus is the means of salvation for many others. Thank you, God! This Thanksgiving, we thank You for our crosses! We don't deny that they are hard and painful, but we embrace them because, through the cross, we ware redeemed! Jesus, we trust in You.
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I had just gotten out of one of my classes that focuses on oppression. So far, we had focused on racism, poverty, and gender. Next, we reached our unit on homophobia. Now, the mention of homosexuality can automatically be uncomfortable for many Christians and many Catholics--actually, for anyone. After all, rumor has it, the Catholic Church teaches that homosexuality is a sin. Well, for a quick summary, the Catholic Church doesn't believe that being a homosexual is a sin. The Church does not teach that being gay or lesbian is sinful. For homosexuals, the attractions, thoughts, feelings, and love that one has is in no way sinful--just as it is not sinful for heterosexuals to have attractions, thoughts, feelings, and love. The Church teaches that the act of homosexual sex (aka having sex with someone of the same gender) is a sin. Note that the Church also teaches that there are several heterosexual acts of sin such as birth control and pre-marital sex. All in all, every human commits sin (acts against God), whether they are homosexual, heterosexual, or whatever. For some more information on the Church's stance on sexuality, I would look at usccb.org. Now, it was brought up in my class that one of the factors of oppression of homosexuals is the Church teaching that homosexuality is a sin. I personally was disturbed and felt like my faith was being oppressed and called out as "the bad guy." I felt like I was being targeted as a Christian for not being accepting and understanding of homosexuals--for targeting them as giant sinners. As a giant sinner myself, I believe that my Christian faith was presented incorrectly. If we are Catholic or Christian or anyone who encounters threats to our faith, what do we do? How should we act and respond to what threatens our beliefs? Should we speak up and say, "Hey! Liar! What you say is false! How dare you!" Should we keep our opinions to ourselves? Here are some suggestions based off of bible verses: 1. Pray regularly. Even better, "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). You have to pray often so you can recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit. Learn to recognize the movements of the Holy Spirit. The fruits and gifts of the spirit are signs of God's voice. The vices and all that is evil are the voice of Satan. Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5: 19-23) 2. Be at peace. Before raising your hand in class, take a quick moment to recognize the presence of God within you. Know that He is with you. Your hands might be shaking like mine from the excitement of such touchy discussions, but you can interiorly ask the Lord for peace of mind and heart so you don't say anything rash or make obvious gestures like rolling of the eyes. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid" --Jesus (John 14:27). 3. Trust the Holy Spirit. He will tell you if you need to speak and He will tell you if you need to remain silent. Don't get super prepared for what you are going to say because the Holy Spirit will totally be at work. "Do not worry about how or what your defense will be or about what you are to say. For the holy Spirit will teach you at that moment what you should say" --Jesus (Luke 12:11-12). How do you know if the Holy Spirit is prompting you are not? Trust. You won't necessarily hear a voice in your head, but if you pray regularly like I said in Step 1, you will know when the Holy Spirit is asking you to speak or not. 4. "Jesus looked at him, [and] loved him" (Mark 10:21). Look at those around you. If someone is saying something contrary to your belief, love them! You don't have to feel it, but will it--will that love. Even if you think they are lying or blasphemous or totally wrong, love them. Love conquers all. "Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:8). 5. When the Spirit prompts you, go! Say what He puts on your heart and say it with gentleness, peace, and even with joy. "Get up, let us go" --Jesus (Matthew 26:46). Jesus actually says that several times in the gospels. The verse I just mentioned takes place when Judas comes to betray Jesus. See how Jesus in this moment tells His disciples to get up and confront the betrayal. 6.. After you have spoken, or have debated/discussed with a teacher/classmate, be at peace once again. Don't worry about what you said or how they reacted. Don't analyze if you said the right words--remember that if you trusted the Holy Spirit, He gave you exactly what you needed to say, so be content with the fact that the Holy Spirit just spoke through you. Don't be afraid, because God has conquered all the world. "I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world" --Jesus (John 16:33). 7. Pray. This is how we begin and this is how we end. Before calling your mom or telling a friend about the heated discussion you just had, speak to Jesus first. He's the leader in all of this, so you gotta look to Him! Jesus even said to come to Him with all that heavy stuff. “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest" --Jesus (Matthew 11:28). Vocation Awareness Week--it's national--not just me speaking. Check out usccb.org for more information about this national week. Now, for this special week in which we promote vocations, especially to the priesthood and religious life (but we promote vocations to marriage as well, because that is a fantastic vocation, but religious vocations are on the rare side), I am launching a new page, under the resources tab. It contains information about consecrated life! I'm putting the information on it below as a blog post, but it will also be under the new page. Consecrated Life Resources Sorry to the men out there that I have a lot more information on female vocations as opposed to male. Nevertheless, there are a lot of similarities and I think I still have some useful resources for you. Websites https://www.vocationnetwork.org is really nifty! You can take a vocation match quiz which matches you up with religious orders that fit with you as a person. imaginesisters.org will set you off when it comes to learning about religious life. This is also a movement. Get ideas on how to promote religious vocations. The Institute on Religious Life has a vocation directory!!! The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has information on discernment, national events, and how to promote vocations. The United States Association of Consecrated Virgins has lots of resources and information regarding consecrated virginity including what it is, how to become one spiritual writings related to consecrated virginity. The Diocese of Lansing has a magnificent vocations page. Check it out or go to your own diocesan website to check out its vocation office/directors/events. If you are wondering what Franciscans nuns are, Third Order Dominicans are, etc., then check out the following page from Our Sunday Visitor. This can help you discover the different types of spiritualities. The Poor Clares are the order that I was with for six months. Call me a little biased, but I can't help but put there website on here as their spirituality is so amazing!!! Books A Right to be Merry by Mother Mary Francis P.C.C. is absolutely hilarious. It gives a wonderful introduction to religious life in general, specifically cloistered religious. And You Are Christ's: The Charism of Virginity and the Celibate Life by Fr. Thomas Dubay, S.M. is simply beautiful. Very eye opening and actually a page-turner (for me, at least!). The Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux introduces you to a lovely saint, St. Therese. St. Therese was a nun and she had a wonderful spirituality of childlike simplicity. This will also give you a bit of insight into daily life for the Carmelite order of nuns. True Devotion to Mary by St. Louise de Montfort is super amazing! I am serious, learn about Marian consecration. Another book that is useful is called 33 Days to Morning Glory by Father Michael Gaitley. Check them out! 33 Days to Morning Glory is easier to read and more modern, but still entirely life-changing. Devotion to Mary is crucial to Catholicism and crucial to consecrated life. Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul is about another awesome saint named St. Faustina. She had visions of Jesus, Who spoke of God's wonderful mercy. St. Faustina was also a religious sister and has insights into religious life in her diary. Saints Blessed Virgin Mary is the best model of any vocation. She is both a virgin and a mother--how cool! St. Clare of Assisi is my favorite saint. Founder of the Poor Clares during the 1200's, she was one of the first followers of St. Francis (he is the guy known for his love for animals). She ran away from home when she was eighteen and renounced all of her possessions (including her own hair!) so that she could live a simple life of prayer and dwell in the house of God. St. Ignatius of Loyala is the patron saint of discernment. His writings are loaded with how to discern God's will. He is also the founder of the religious order, the Jesuits. St. Joseph is the husband of Mary and the earthly father of Jesus of Nazareth. He is the bomb! He's a great saint to ask for some assistance with discovering and doing the will of God. I mean, He was told to marry a pregnant virgin! St. Louis de Montfort is an extraordinary guy who greatly encouraged devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, which is essential to consecrated life--essential to Catholic life. St. Therese of Lisieux makes complicated things really easy. She's the one who said, "My vocation is love!" Ask for her intercession to help see things in a simple, childlike way. Pretty much any saint is awesome to ask for some prayer support for discerning consecrated life or any vocation. Here are just a few more:
Prayers Prayer of Consecration to Mary My Queen and my Mother, I give myself entirely to you; and to show my devotion to you, I consecrate to you this day my eyes, my ears, my mouth, my heart, my whole being without reserve. Wherefore, good Mother, as I am your own, keep me, guard me, as your property and possession. Amen. A Short, Alternative Consecration to Mary (thank you St. Louis de Montfort and Pope Saint John Paul II) Totus Tuus (Totally Yours) A Blessing of St. Clare What you hold may you always hold. What you do, may you always do and never abandon. But with swift pace, light step and unswerving feet, so that even your steps stir up no dust, Go forward, the spirit of our God has called you. Prayer for Vocations by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Heavenly Father, You so loved the world that You sent Your only Son, Jesus, to bring eternal life to those who believe in Him. I join Him in His prayer for laborers in Your harvest. May Your Holy Spirit inspire and strengthen generous men and women to continue His mission in the World. May this same Spirit make known to me Your will in my regard. Where You lead, I will follow. Let it be done to me according to Your word. I make this prayer through Christ our Lord. Amen. Relevant Definitions Bride of Christ: A name for the Catholic Church. We the people, are wedded to Christ Himself! Nuns and consecrated virgins are referred to as brides of Christ because they represent everyone's destined marriage to Christ. Charism: A charism is a building block of the Church. They are gifts of the Holy Spirit that we are meant to use for others sake and the whole of the Church. We can have personal charisms, as I believe I have the charisms of Writing and Intercessory Prayer. Religious orders themselves can have charisms like Eucharistic Adoration or Evangelization. Cloister: A building in which nuns live. The nuns have limited contact with the outside world and are thus "enclosed." They do this so they may focus on their work of prayer. This is a part of a convent/monastery that the public is not allowed to enter. Some nuns may be partially cloistered, spending part of their day enclosed, and the rest doing active ministry. Other nuns are strictly cloistered and seldom leave, except for perhaps, a doctor's appointment. Communion: Not just a term for being in community with others. Holy Communion is the act of receiving Jesus in the Eucharist. As all people around the world receive the same Jesus, we are all in communion with each other and with God. Consecrated Life: A general term for virgins or religious men and women who are consecrated to God alone. They may live out his/her consecrated life in community (see religious life) or even independently (see consecrated virginity). Consecrated Virginity: A woman who is consecrated to God by her bishop. She lives independently and in the world as a perpetual virgin. Her spouse is Christ! Consecration: 1. The moment during Mass, in which the bread and wine become the actual Body and Blood of Christ! 2. Something dedicated to something sacred (like a nun is dedicated to God) Convent: A general term for a house/building in which a religious community lives. Deacon: a deacon is a servant. Deacons serve the priests and proclaim the word of God. The role of a deacon was created in the early church because priests had there hands full! Deacons can't consecrate the bread and wine into the Eucharist as priests do, but they can say the rest of the Mass. Diocese: Specific geographical region in the Catholic Church that is led by a bishop. Discernment: There are many different levels of discernment (I'd suggest reading the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius of Loyola or What Does God Want? A Practical Guide to Making Decisions by Michael Scanlan, T.O.R. to learn more). Discernment is consulting God on the decisions you are making. You could discern something small, like if you should have ice cream or not tonight, or you could discern something big, like becoming a priest or getting married. Eucharist: The body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ! Guys, this is absolutely amazing. This is Jesus in the flesh! He said Himself that He is the Bread of Life, and unless we eat of Him, we will not have eternal life. I know, it can sound kind of bizarre...we "eat" our God...but can you think of a more intimate way to be united with our Creator? And through this we are thus united with each other! This can be a tough one for anyone to believe, because a piece of bread and cup of wine don't look like Jesus, but faith tells us that this in fact is Jesus! It's so cool! Eucharistic Adoration: The practice of adoring God in the Eucharist. Jesus is often "exposed" in a Catholic church and is presented on a sort of golden mount called a monstrance. Even if He isn't "exposed", where you can see the actual bread, you can visit Him and be in His presence when He is hidden inside a little box (I know, this also sounds bizarre...) called the tabernacle. Habit: The garment that a religious sister wears distinguishing her as a member of a particular religious community Holy Sacrifice of the Mass (aka...Mass; Holy Mass): The awesome ceremony in which all are welcome to commune with God and the saints! We get to stand in the "courtyard" of heaven and unite with the whole Body of Christ--the Church. This includes scripture readings, and most importantly the celebration of the Eucharist! Intercessory Prayer: This is a charism of the Holy Spirit that I believe I have. It is a gift in which one prays (intercedes) on behalf of others, and our generous God responds. This is a way for God's deliverance to be brought out through us little humans! Liturgy of the Hours: Also known as the Divine Office, it is a prayer consisting of psalms, readings, and intercessions that is prayed by Catholics all around the world. Morning and Evening prayer are the most common types, but some (cloistered nuns often do) pray all seven hours consisting of midnight, morning, mid-morning, mid-day, mid-afternoon, evening, and night. Mary (or Blessed Virgin Mary, or Mary, Mother of God...etc): The Mother of Jesus! She is God's chosen vessel! Through her lowly, earthly motherhood, salvation was brought to the whole world Monk: A male version of a nun. Monks are typically cloistered. Mother Abbess: the "head" nun in a community. She is usual voted into her position and acts as mother to all of the sisters. Novice Mistress: The nun who trains the "nuns-in training". I thought of my novice mistress as an angel, as she told me where I had to be, what to do, how to properly say the prayers, how to speak, and she is the woman I went to with all of my joys and sorrows. Nun: A nun is a woman part of a religious order, who takes three vows: poverty, chastity, and obedience. "Nun" is typically used for a cloistered sister. Penance: An act of self denial/discipline to show repentance for one's sins--that's what I'm referring to when I say "penance". Yet, the word "penance" is used in many ways. I'd suggest looking at www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c2a4.htm Poor Clares: A religious order of nuns founded by St. Clare of Assisi. I spent six months at a Poor Clare convent. They focus on poverty (hence, the name...) and spend their life enclosed in the convent so they can concentrate on prayer for the world, before their beloved Jesus. Postulant: A woman who is just entering religious life. She has many years till taking her vows, and is just beginning to live and learn about the life of a religious sister. Prayer: Conversation with God. Nuff said. Priest: A priests primary duty is to perform the liturgy of the Mass. That includes the consecration of the Eucharist. See www.catholic.org/encyclopedia/view.php?id=9622 Recreation: Well, you probably know that recreation is any sort of fun activity be it sports, reading, swimming, board games, etc. Nuns enjoy recreational activities as well. In fact, they usually have an hour or so set aside every day just for recreation! They typically do it as a community, so they can recreate together. Religious life: It is a form of consecrated life for men and women, recognized by the Church. Religious typically take vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. They are often referred to as "brothers" or "sisters". Unlike a consecrated virgin, religious live in community as a part of a particular religious order. Religious order: The rule by which religious men/women live by. They live typically in community and have distinct practices or charisms. For example, Franciscans follow the teachings of St. Francis and center their lives around poverty and the poor. They are known for loving the outdoors and animals. Religious vows: What a woman or man professes before God and His Church. The three main vows are poverty, chastity, and obedience. After taking these vows, the man/woman is recognized by the Church as a nun or monk. Roman Catholic: Roman Catholics are Christians who have allegiance to the pope (currently Pope Francis!), known as the Vicar of Christ. The Vicar of Christ means that the pope holds the primacy that was given to St. Peter and his successors by Jesus. Some distinct things about Roman Catholics (at least practicing Catholics), is that they love Jesus in the Eucharist, ask for Jesus' mama, Mary to pray with/for them, and are united through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Roman Catholic Church: Known as the Body of Christ, or Bride of Christ (often referred to as "her"), the Church is led by the pope--the Vicar of Christ. The Vicar of Christ means that the pope holds the primacy that was given to St. Peter and his successors by Jesus Himself. The Church is what helps guide Catholics in their practice of the faith. Members of the church can definitely be bad (for example, bad priests...), but the Church herself, and her teachings are good! Sister: I could just say any female child of God, but I'll be talking a lot about religious sisters. This is a term for a woman who dedicates her life to God through religious vows. Synonyms: nun, virgin, religious, etc. Nuns are titled as sisters. For example, Sister Josephine. Theology: The study of God Vocation: This is the way of life God calls each individual to live. It is a distinct path that leads to our holiness, either through marriage, the priesthood, or a form of consecrated life However, we also have current vocations. My current vocation is to be a college student. My ultimate, underlying vocation is love. |
AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
April 2021
SpiritualityVocationMental ILlnessSeasonalADVENT LENT
Unexpected Church MembersAll words that are underlined can be found on the "Glossary" page
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