Introducing a short story/meditation/Bible study/whatever you want to call it. Please note that this is a piece of historical fiction! God gives us the gift of imagination. Therefore, we are going to imagine what St. Andrew the Apostle saw when he first encountered Jesus! "Through Andrew's Eyes: Following the Lamb" 27 CE[1] 30th Year of Christ[2] The Judean desert between Archelais and the River Jordan[3] “Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, was one of the two who heard John and followed Jesus.” John 1:40 Sweat cascades down my flesh as I stand in the dry heat. It is the hottest point of the day, and I can feel the sun burning through the back of my head covering. I stand next to my dear friend, John of Zebedee,[4] as we converse with our teacher, John the Baptist.[5]
Well, John of Zebedee is doing most of the conversing. I am shifting my weight from one sore foot to the other as walking around the desert tends to give one blisters. The Baptist’s words bounce off my ears. “But the One who comes from heaven is above all,”[6] the Baptist’s voice says, his normal tone equal to a shout. His dark hair is knotted, and his beard is unkempt, long enough to braid. Sand is compiled at the corners of his eyes and down the sides of his nose. He wears his infamous camel hair garment that is pulled together with a leather belt at the waist.[7] I scratch at the chest of my own tunic—made of linen—not camel hair. I may be one of the Baptist’s disciples, but I have yet to duplicate his attire. The Baptist only requires his disciples to give spare articles of clothing to those who have none.[8] My own tunic is ratty, frayed at the edges and has an oil stain on one of the sleeves. John of Zebedee’s tunic is in nicer condition, save a plethora of wrinkles. The young man has hardly any hair on his jaw. Yet, his youthful eyes gaze at the Baptist with earnest contemplation. “He testifies to what He has seen and heard,” the Baptist continues, “but no one accepts His testimony. Whoever does not accept His testimony certifies that God is trustworthy…” I look away from the Baptist to examine the men scattered about the pale landscape. We stand in the dip of desert hills. The nearest city is to the west and the river is further down the next slope in the east. I can see the tips of the reeds and grasses that sprout along the Jordan’s edges from here. Men from all walks of life are present. They come from all across Judea and even beyond to be baptized by John. Since the Sabbath[9] will begin at sundown tonight, they are already heading back to their villages to get their lawful rest. A few of these men are finishing discussions with the Baptist’s other disciples. There are over half a dozen disciples in total. John of Zebedee and I are the most recent recruits. I am not quite comfortable yet to speak to those who want to be baptized. How can I, if I still do not understand where and how the Messiah[10] will come? John the Baptist does not use the term, “Messiah.” Instead, he uses the name, "the Anointed One; the Lamb of God." “Teacher, what do you mean by “Lamb of God?” John of Zebedee once asked the Baptist. “He is the One Who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those who are called to His supper.”[11] John extended his hands outward in excitement. I now twiddle my toes, thinking that statement over. Lambs are sacrificed in the Temple[12] daily to take away our sins. John of Zebedee and I have discussed it. The Messiah will take away our sins! And take away our oppressors. A couple recently baptized men gape in my direction. I know it is not me they look at, but the Baptist. They want a final look at the mysterious man before they depart. “Behold, the Lamb of God!”[13] John the Baptist shouts, causing me to start. I glance at the Baptist; whose eyes are as round as wheels. Then, following his gaze, I see the lot of men going in different directions toward their homes. Sweat persists down all areas of my skin as I squint my eyes in the desert light. The Lamb of God! Behold Him? Behold Him! I scan the men. There are some Pharisees[14] with particularly long blue tassels[15] on their mantles[16] and I even see a Sadducee.[17] Greek merchants and Roman soldiers are present. Beggars and tax collectors as well, be they Judeans, Galileans[18], or surprisingly, Samaritans.[19] “Which One is he looking at?” I look frantically as John of Zebedee puts an eager hand on my shoulder. “If He is the Lamb of God we wait for, then He must be a son of David,” John of Zebedee concludes. A Jew. There are a large handful of Jews here. They all have the same dark hair, sun-browned skin, and beard. Perhaps the Lamb is the one with the vibrant orange and red cloak, with luscious hair attesting to his wealth. “Teacher, which man are we to follow?” John of Zebedee turns to the Baptist in a swift motion. John the Baptist inclines his head to the right. “He heads north.” My heart starts to pound, my breath catching in my throat. “If you too wish to be groomsmen,[20] then go,” the Baptist continues, thrusting his arms in the air. “Attend the wedding feast of the Lamb[21]!” His hands spring out. “He must increase, and I must decrease.”[22] “Let us go, Andrew!” John of Zebedee pushes a hand to my back. I stumble forward on the rocky ground, my feet coated in dust. Glancing back at John the Baptist, I see that he is looking northward. In the direction of a certain man… I scratch at my chest, my linen tunic irritating my clammy skin. “Andrew, do you wish to follow Him or not?” John of Zebedee persists. I look to him, but not in the eye. I have never been one for eye contact. “Let us go,” I decide gruffly. John of Zebedee smiles, not even glancing at the master we are leaving behind. “You think it is that One?” I point ahead of me as we squeeze between a few men who are heading west toward Archelais. “He is the only man walking toward the desert in the north.” John heaves as we pick our pace up to a jog. “Where do you suppose He is going? If not to Jericho[23] or Jerusalem?” “Let us hope it is not Samaria,” I say, placing an arm above my head so I may block the harsh sun from my eyes. I start to wonder what I will say to this man. Lamb of God, take me as Your disciple, and save us! No—good Teacher, my name is Andrew. I am a humble man, but if you will have me, I will follow You. No—I praise God for You, Son of David. I am at Your service. The man is but a few cubits[24] away from us now. He wears His head covering, giving His face the needed shade. “What are you looking for?”[25] The man turns around abruptly causing both John and I to halt. His bright eyes do not appear wary but give off an amiable curiosity. My mouth hangs open, embarrassed that He found us following Him like two lost children. In a sense, that is what we are. John of Zebedee takes a step forward. I follow his example, adding, “Rabbi.”[26] “Why do you call Me, Teacher?” the man asks. Again, His question holds no tone of contempt. Instead, it is welcoming and even has a hint of merriment. His skin is burnt red and splotched as if He were sitting in the desert all day, staring at the sun[27]. His tunic is pulled together at the waist with a rope belt and His head covering appears to be His only possession. “I…the…” I start, trying to find words. I do not dare to look the man in the eye. “The Baptist,” John says candidly. “He told us You are the Lamb of God.” “And who do you think I am?” It takes a moment for John to answer, but he drawls out the words, “Presumably, the Lamb of God.” “John the Baptist.” The man nods His head in recognition. “Do you trust the Baptist?” The man takes His head covering off so that it rests on His shoulders. His forehead is glistening with sweat, a piece of His dark brown hair sticking to it. “We are his disciples,” John is quick to explain, reaching his hands out in front of him. “Were his disciples,” I mumble with a shrug. The man looks straight at me, so I choose to focus on the dusty ground beneath me. “We have been awaiting You,” John continues. “I feared the day would not come when the Son of David would be among us. We know that the kingdom of God at hand. You…You are the Son of David, are You not?” “Are you not sons of David?” The man’s lips twitch into a smile as if He knows He is beating around the bush. “No, Sir. I am a son of Zebedee.”[28] John puts a hand to his chest. “From the tribe of Benjamin[29]. Andrew, here is a descendant of Benjamin as well. We are from Bethsaida[30] in Galilee. You seem familiar with the region as your accent sounds Galilean.” “I am going to Galilee after the Sabbath. As for tonight, our Father[31] is gifting me with rest.” Our Father. I have never heard that phrase. Not even from the Baptist, and he is one for odd phrases. There is only the Father. The Lord of hosts. The God of Abraham. I look up at the man, His dark beard is full but seems recently trimmed. His build is full and strong, hinting at a life full of manual labor. “Where are You staying?”[32] I decide to ask, scratching my belly. “Come, and you will see,”[33] the man speaks distinctly. I look up at John, who slaps me on the back enthusiastically. The man starts walking forward, glancing back at us, expecting us to follow. John and I trot to His side. “Your name is Andrew?” The man inquires pleasantly. He strolls as if He were peacefully walking along the seashore. “I am. Andrew of Bethsaida, son of Jonah,”[34] I say, keeping my eyes on the ground of rocks mixed in with the dirt. “And what is your name, son of Zebedee?” “I am John. Rabbi, what is Your name?” “I am Jesus of Nazareth. Son of Joseph.”[35] I clear my throat, glancing at John. He simply looks at Jesus with attentiveness. I pull the collar of my tunic. Nazareth. I did not know the town existed until a few years ago. Initially, I would be wary of a possible messiah coming from such a minuscule town, but David himself was a little shepherd boy.[36] Even John the Baptist lives in the desert like a beggar or a madman—perhaps both. Should I be surprised, then, that the Lamb of God would be a Nazarene? “Your family,” I start, “Are you farmers?” “Carpenters,” Jesus says. “We rebuilt much of the city of Sepphoris.[37] It is now the prized work of my family.” I did not know of Nazareth as a young man, but I certainly knew Sepphoris. It is one of the larger Greco-Roman cities in Israel. “Herod’s[38] city, eh?” I scratch my nose. Jesus seems to notice the skepticism in my voice. “Yes,” Jesus says, “I have many relatives. Some are not pleased to build for the wealthy; build for Caesar.”[39] “Are You pleased?” I wonder. “They are Caesar’s bricks. I will give them back to him. But what is God’s, I will give back to God.”[40] Jesus looks straight ahead, pulling His head covering back over Him. “What is God’s? The land?” John has a youthful bounce to his steps. “No. You, My disciples. You belong to God.” I suck in a breath. Disciples. Was that all it took? Am I now His disciple? Pricks of doubt course through me. What if this is not the right man? “You must be fishermen,”[41] Jesus says. “How do You know?” My head sharply turns in Jesus’ direction so that I see His profile. “Because Bethsaida is by the Sea of Galilee?” “No, Andrew. Because you smell like fish.” I pretend to rub my nose with my shoulder, but I am actually smelling my worn tunic. It is a musty smell that indeed has fish mixed into it. “I am from Bethsaida, but my home is now in Capernaum,”[42] I say, my eyes bouncing around the pale hills around us, just as the light of the sun bounces off them. “My brother, Simon, and I live there with our families.[43] We live just off the shore.[44] The business we get there is perfect, thanks to God.” “Is it a large house?” “It fits several families; a nice village house. It is close to the synagogue[45] as well.” “Tell me about your wife, Andrew.”[46] “Judith is a beauty,” I smile, thinking of her thick curly hair. It already has pricks of grey in it and the corners of her eyes are rippled with wrinkles, but she is beautiful nonetheless. “She is the one who insisted I come to Judea to follow the Baptist. I have been gone for a month now and…if you are indeed heading to Galilee, we could go to my home in Capernaum. Rabbi, Judith is a faithful woman. Strong, like the great Judith[47] who saved our people, Israel.” I imagine her reaction if I brought home the Son of David. She would clap her hands and pull all of our provisions together to make a feast. She would order the children to assist her to make the rabbi most comfortable. “We have three children,” I tell Jesus. “One already at marriageable age. Only a few years younger than John, here.” “You are not married, John?” Jesus looks at the young man. John scratches the back of his head. “No, Rabbi. I left home with Andrew, but I have not taken a wife for the sake of the kingdom. I am restless for the restoration of Israel. My brother, James is as well, but he is at home, seeing to the business with Andrew’s brother, Simon. You know, Rabbi, my great-grandmother was a Nazarene,” John changes the subject. “I cannot help but wonder if she knew Your family.” “We could indeed be distant relatives,”[48] Jesus concludes, rolling His sleeves up in the heat. “But I was born in Bethlehem.[49] My father’s family migrated up to Galilee only a few generations ago. What is your mother’s name?” “Salome[50],” John says with a smile. “She is a…spirited woman.” He laughs slightly. “She has a sharp arch to her back that is as sharp as her tongue. She likes to compete with the other women in the village when it comes to hospitality. I am sure she would host You graciously if we went to Capernaum.” “You both think we should go to Capernaum, then?” My heart rate accelerates at the thought of going home. I lick my lips; my mouth and throat dry with thirst. I hope that we will soon reach wherever Jesus is staying. “I would love to, Rabbi,” John admits, “But what would we do there? What is Your purpose going to Galilee? Are You going to build an army? There are many poor who would join You. We all desire the kingdom of God and simply need a king.” “Have you not understood the proclamation of John the Baptist? Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”[51] “We have been born anew,” John exclaims. “We have been baptized in the water of repentance! And You are the One to baptize us with the Spirit and with fire!”[52] Jesus pats John’s shoulder. “Blessed are you who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for you will be satisfied.”[53] The village of Phasaelis[54] is far off in the distance—too far off for my thirst, but I assume that is where Jesus is staying. We must make haste as the sun is already low in the sky. It will not be long until the sun slides behind the hills, marking the beginning of the Sabbath . My lips pucker as I watch Jesus curve toward a hillside. “Are You not going onward into the village?” I inquire, observing the caves embedded in the hill Jesus walks toward. A couple shepherds are visible, and their throngs of sheep dot the landscape. The wool coats of the sheep are stained with dust. I squint to see one of the shepherd’s waving his staff in the air. It looks like he is waving at us, but perhaps he is simply a man possessed by an unclean spirit. But Jesus raises His hands in the air, waving vigorously at the shepherd. Understanding dawns upon me. I sniff roughly. “You are staying with shepherds?” “And sheep,” Jesus smiles. “There is no shepherd without sheep.” He stretches His arms out in front of Him with a good-natured sigh. My nose crinkles. It is an odd bunch indeed to spend the Sabbath with. I slap a fly away from my mouth. As if reading my thoughts, John leans over to me and whispers, “I suppose this is fitting.” “What is fitting?” I clear my throat, already knowing what John means. I watch Jesus walk quickly ahead of us as if He were going to the enthusiastic shepherd like a father to his lost son. “That the Lamb of God would stay with shepherds and sheep.” _____________________________________________________________________ [1] Quick lesson: BCE means “Before Common Era” but is the same dating as BC, which means “Before Christ.” Then, CE means “Common Era,” and is the same dating as “AD,” which means “anno domini” or “year of the Lord.” BCE/CE is the secular dating and BC/AD is religious. One thing I have learned is that Jesus was probably born sometime around 4 BC and not exactly at 1 AD, so the split of time before and after the birth of Christ is off a bit historically. So, I use “CE” to give approximate dating and also include the “Year of Christ” to show the actual age of Jesus. So, if Jesus is present in the year 27 CE I hypothesize that He is 30 years old. [2] I am calculating that in 27 CE, Jesus may have been 30 years old because that was when He traditionally began His public ministry. Hence, 27 CE is the “30th Year of Christ.” [3] This short story takes place Judea. Judea is a province that is in the southern part of Palestine. It is a desert region and the city of Jerusalem resides in this region. Its border reaches to the Jordan River in the east. Archelais may have been a city close to the Jordan River. See a map at this link: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html [4] There is no biblical evidence that John son of Zebedee is a disciple of John the Baptist, but tradition suggests that he is one of the “two” disciples (NAB Notes John 1:37). [5] “The next day John was there again with two of his disciples,” John 1:35, New American Bible (NAB) [6] John 3:31 [7] Matthew 3:4 [8] John the Baptist says in Luke 3:11, “Whoever has two cloaks should share with the person who has none.” [9]The Sabbath is the “seventh day” that God rested after creation. The laws of the Old Testament demand strict adherence to resting on the Sabbath. The New Testament often refers to the Sabbath day, which begins at sunset (on Friday) and ends at sunset (on Saturday). [10] Messiah means “anointed one.” In Greek, “messiah” means “Christ.” One thing to note is that many people have been labeled as “messiah.” For example, King David was a “messiah,” as he was an anointed one of God. Eventually, though, the Jews were expecting the Messiah. The Holy One of God. Some were expecting a priest and others were expecting a rebel who would be crowned as king of Israel, overthrowing the Roman Empire. [11] Based off of John 1:29. These words are also spoken during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. The priest holds the Eucharist and says these words before we all partake in the supper of the Lamb. [12] The Temple was in Jerusalem. This was the center of Judaism, where God was worshiped and sacrifices took place. [13] John 1:36 [14] Pharisees were, “A Jewish sect…that emphasized strict adherence to the purity laws set forth in the Torah” (Bart D. Ehrman; A Brief Introduction to the New Testament, Fourth Edition, Oxford University Press, “Glossary” page 361). [15] “At the time of Christ, these tassels were worn by all pious Jews…the Pharisees wore very large ones in ostentation of their zeal for the law…” (NAB Notes Nm 15:38). The Lord told Moses in the Old Testament that, “When you use these tassels, let the sight of them remind you to keep all the commandments of the Lord…” (Nm 15:39) [16] “…a large shawl…which had tassels…Usually made of wool, a mantle could be large or small, thick or fine…” “What Did Jesus Wear?” by Joan Taylor; The Conversation; https://theconversation.com/what-did-jesus-wear-90783 [17] Sadducees were, “A Jewish party associated with the Temple cult and the Jewish priest who ran it, comprising principally the Jewish aristocracy in Judea” (Bart D. Ehrman; A Brief Introduction to the New Testament, Fourth Edition, Oxford University Press, “Glossary” page 362). [18] Galilee is the northern province of Israel. See map: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html [19] Samaritans were, “Inhabitants of Samaria, located between Galilee and Judea, considered by some Jews to be apostates and half-breeds because their lineage could be traced back to intermarriages between Jews and pagan peoples…” (Bart D. Ehrman; A Brief Introduction to the New Testament, Fourth Edition, Oxford University Press, “Glossary” page 362). [20] In the Gospel according to John, John the Baptist refers to himself as a “best man”, preparing the way for the bridegroom (John 3:29). Shouldn’t the Baptist’s disciples and all of us be “groomsmen,” attendants of Jesus, the bridegroom? [21] The Book of Revelation often refers to the “wedding feast of the Lamb” (For example, Rv 19:9) [22] John 3:30 [23] A town close to the Jordan River and not too far from Jerusalem. Jericho is thought to be one of the oldest cities in the world that is still somewhat standing. Joshua and the Israelites (with the mighty help of God) conquer Jericho in the Book of Joshua. See Jericho on the map: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html [24] A cubit is an ancient measurement used in the Bible. One cubit equals about a foot and a half. [25] John 3:38 [26] John 3:38 [27] Jesus spends 40 days in the desert (Mt 4:1). I think He was probably sunburnt! [28] Luke 5:10 [29]The land of “Judah” consisted of two tribes: The large tribe was Judah and the small one was Benjamin. Both were considered Jews. Benjaminites tended to occupy the land of Galilee, but many in the tribe of Judah migrated to Galilee as the tetrarch, Herod was building up the region in the time of Christ. [30] Bethsaida is close to Capernaum, along the coast of the Sea of Galilee. See map: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html [31] Jesus commonly refers to God as “Our Father” or “your Father.” Lot’s of examples of this are in Luke, Chapter 6. [32] John 3:38 [33] John 3:39 [34] Simon Peter is called son of Jonah (Mt 16:17). If Andrew is Simon Peter’s brother, then we can assume Andrew is also the son of Jonah. [35] Luke 4:16; Luke 4:22 [36] 1 Sm 16:11 [37] Sepphoris is just north of Nazareth. See map: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html [38] The tetrarch, Herod, ruled in Galilee. He was the instigator of creating the wealthy city of Sepphoris. [39] Caesar is the ruler of the huge empire of Rome. During this time period, Tiberius was Caesar. [40] Reference to Jesus’ famous teaching to “repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God” (Mt 22:21). [41] Mt 4:18 [42] A fishing town off the coast of the Sea of Galilee. It is very close to Bethsaida. [43] Mk 1:29 [44] If you visit Capernaum, Israel today, you will find the traditional site of Simon Peter’s house. It is a very short distance from the Sea of Galilee and also very close to the traditional site of the synagogue. [45] A building in a Jewish village. Synagogues were and are places for Jews to congregate. They may worship together, study Scripture, or even discuss business and community matters. [46] We don’t know if Andrew or John had a wife and children. We do know that getting married and having children was the norm for Jewish society. [47] Judith is a heroine in the Old Testament. Read the Book of Judith—it’s very fun to read. [48] Several traditions say that James and John were some sort of relatives to Jesus [49] Very close to Jerusalem. See Luke 2:4 [50] Salome is mentioned in Mark 15:40 and is believed to be the mother of James and John, the wife of Zebedee, as found in Matthew 20:20. [51] John 3:3 [52] Mt 3:11 [53] Mt 5:6 [54] Close to the Jordan River. North of Archelais. See map: http://www.bible-history.com/geography/ancient-israel/israel-first-century.html
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OCD wants 100% certainty and 100% accuracy. It wants perfection in all things. So...I'll admit to you guys. OCD throws its hard little pebbles at me when I write my blog. Each post must be perfect theologically, spiritually, intellectually, grammatically, and a whole lot of other requirements that I don't have time to list. Actually, it is common for OCD to freak out after I post something. What if that was theologically incorrect and I am a blasphemer? On whose authority do I write about or cite the Bible? Truly, I am a horrible sinner and should not press the post button until things are 100% perfect. Well...that sure is going to take a while to write my blog post. Of course, it never is perfect, and even if I get my post to be satisfactory for me, my OCD whips me on the head after I post, telling me I'm basically a heretic. Anyway, I had this cool analogy earlier this week. I've been having some typical spiritual and emotional struggles and I looked outside to see that the winter weather really paralleled how I was feeling. I started writing an analogy for my post, but I couldn't post it because it was such an imperfect analogy! OCD isn't going to like it, but I'm going to give you my analogy anyway! Winter. The days are cloudy and I rarely see the sun. I rarely feel the sun. But, I know that the sun is there. Sometimes I can see parts of the sun, which is awesome. The rays of light shining through the clouds, touching my skin when the air around me is cold. Then, on super awesome days, the sun is totally visible! But even when the sun is totally visible, I can't look straight at the sun, as the sun is so bright, my eyes can't take it. Night comes. It get's all the colder and all the darker. Where is the sun now? I know that it can be a cloudless sky at night, and I still won't see the sun. But I see the reflection of the sun. The moon is a bright beacon--not even close to the power of the sun, but it reflects the sun's light softly. Ah! Something I can look at straight on. The light from the moon is so soft, that I don't have to worry about burning my eyes. I can look straight at it. Then, there are all of those little stars lighting up the sky. Isn't the sun a star? So all of the stars that we see on earth could be like mini suns? I really don't know what I'm talking about in scientific terms, but think of what we have: the sun which is the brightest light that gives off energy; it's what keeps us living on earth. The moon reflects the light of the sun--it is far lower than the sun, but the moon gives us a hint of what the sun actually is like. And then the stars, which for us on earth, are mini-suns. Now, I'm going to flip some vocabulary around to give us a nice analogy. Desolation. The days are cloudy and I rarely see the Son. I rarely feel the Son. But, I know that the Son is there. Sometimes I can see parts of the Son, which is awesome. The rays of light shining through the clouds, touching my heart when the air around me is cold. Then, on super awesome days, the Son is totally visible! But even when the Son is totally visible, I can't look straight at the Son, as the Son is so bright, my eyes can't take it. Trial comes. Prayer and life get all the harder and all the darker. I know that I am doing nothing (seriously) wrong during desolation, but I still won't see the Son. But I see the reflection of the Son. The Blessed Mother Mary is a bright beacon--not even close to the power of the Son, but she reflects the Son's light softly. Ah! Someone I can look at straight on. The light from Mary is so soft, that I don't have to worry about burning my eyes. I can look straight at her. Then, there are all of those little souls lighting up the sky. All of the souls are like the communion of saints on heaven and earth. They are mini-Son's. Or mini-Christs. Or Christians. Think of what we have: the Son, Who is the brightest light; He is what keeps us living on earth. Mary reflects the light of the sun--she is far lower than the Son, but Mary gives us a hint of what the Son actually is like. And then the little souls in heaven and earth, striving to imitate or already do imitate the Son. We, the mini-Christs! Well, I did it. That was my analogy. Honestly, my OCD is really annoying right now because it's telling me how technically there are stars in the universe bigger than our sun and that nothing is bigger than Jesus. Even comparing Jesus to the sun is horrible, because He's God--not a sun. And oh! What if I worship the sun and moon? Uh oh! I have to cite the Bible right now--if I don't, I'm going to be excommunicated by the Church. If I do cite the Bible, I will use it incorrectly, and will thus be excommunicated by the Church. If you have obsessive thoughts like me, call it out. Say it's OCD. OCD wants perfection, but OCD is not going to get it. No one can live up to OCD's standards. A compulsion would be trying and trying and trying to make this post perfect., and compulsions are very psychologically unhealthy! And from personal experience, compulsions never help. Alright! Enough from me. Enough from OCD. Folks, you and OCD are going to have to live with an imperfect blog post. I once thought to myself, Imagine having the title of "Sister" in front of my name. Wouldn't it be a wonderful accomplishment to be a nun and for my name to show that I devote myself solely to God? I would be a person who changes the world. Well...I left the convent and didn't earn my desired title of Sister Mary Awesomeness or whatever. So, I thought to myself, What am I? An "ex-nun?" A convent dropout? What am I without that awesome title? Next, I spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital for major depression and OCD. I asked myself, What am I? I am not in college and I am not working. I'm not a missionary or a prayerful nun--I'm actually super dependent on my parents, medication, and therapy right now. Am I just a sick, crazy person? Someone to be pitied for not being able to function? Then, I entered college. Wow, wasn't I moving up in the world? Wasn't that the norm for people my age? I'm finally setting myself up for success. I am on the path to getting a worthy title and status in the world which is supposed to give me comfort and money. Best of all, I should be appreciated with a college degree. And now, I'm choosing to major in Religion *cringe*. That won't get me far. Money and title are going down the drain with that choice. What will I be? A setup for homelessness? A person who will die from drowning in student debt? Now, on the flip side, I look at my Religion major and all that I'm learning. I think, Wow, look at all of this knowledge I'm accumulating. Knowledge and education are forming me into an intelligent person who knows so much about the world. I know all sorts of things now and I can learn even more if I work hard enough. I will write books, start an organization, become an advocate for the mentally ill, the homeless, and for religious vocations. But what if I never earn the degree? What if I never pay off my debt and find a good job? What if I never publish a book, never start an organization, and never travel the world as a motivational speaker? What if I can't actually keep up an intelligent conversation--am still too naive to understand innuendo, still don't understand politics, and can't master socializing? What am I? I am Dignity. Dignity is God's great delight; God's ruby to love and save. Dignity is a child of a benevolent Father. Sometimes Dignity does great things and sometimes Dignity does terrible things. Sometimes Dignity is immobile and can't think for herself, support herself, or support another person. Yet, Dignity is a great treasure; a royal diadem in the hand of her Father (Isaiah 63:2). Dignity may save a person or lose a person, but Dignity will not lose her title and not lose her worth. My point is that we are all Dignity. Each person who has ever existed and will exist has been given Dignity. Think of the phrase, "God loves you for what you are--not what you do." We are each worthy of respect and honor and love. Our actions, accomplishments, possessions, and titles will disappear. As the Bible says, "The grass withers, the flower wilts, but the word of our God stands forever" (Isaiah 40:8). And what has the word of our God proclaimed? That we have been made "little less than a god," and we are crowned with "glory and honor" (Psalm 8:6). Are you feeling little or like you have no title or accomplishments? Are you only loving people who are attractive and full of achievement, success, and strength? What of the unborn, the elderly, the mentally ill, the addicted, those in prison, and the socially awkward? Well, "the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety" (1 Cor 12:22-23). No, I am not a convent dropout. I am not a sick, crazy person. I am not a person set up for homelessness. I am not an author or an intelligent person. I don't need accomplishments. For something has already been accomplished for me. That is the gift of Dignity. |
AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
April 2021
SpiritualityVocationMental ILlnessSeasonalADVENT LENT
Unexpected Church MembersAll words that are underlined can be found on the "Glossary" page
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