Do you ever feel like a great adventurer when studying the Bible? Like you're on a quest or solving a mystery? Well, one day, I was praying with the Bible when BOOM! The beloved disciple! Yes, I know he is St. John the Apostle. But, what if the author, John, had a special thought in mind when writing his gospel! Quick explanation if you don't know: The Gospel according to John, in the New Testament, frequently mentions a disciple. Instead of giving that disciple a name, he is simply referred to as the "beloved disciple" or "the disciple whom Jesus loved." Now, John the Apostle is the beloved disciple, and I totally believe that. But why doesn't John refer to himself as John? Why does he refer to himself as the "beloved disciple" instead? Cool thing about the Bible is that the Holy Spirit is vividly present in it and the Holy Spirit was vividly present in the writing and creation of it. Even cooler is that the Holy Spirit is still active and each one of us gets to live through the Bible! The Word! Jesus! We don't just read it--we live it (thank you, Pope Benedict XVI for your book, Jesus of Nazareth, in which you explain this). So, instead of simply reading about this guy who was a beloved disciple, let's ask the Holy Spirit to let us experience the Gospel. To be a Christian is to believe in Christ. To believe in Christ is to follow Him as His disciple. Therefore, if you are a Christian, then you are a disciple ("follower"). Next, we know that all people are loved by God. We are beloved, or, dearly loved. Paul addresses believers as "Beloved," in his letters. The Father titles His own Son Jesus, as "my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased" (Matthew 12:18). As we are all children of the Father, we are all His beloved sons and daughters. Put "disciple" next to "beloved." Disciple beloved. Beloved disciple. Each one of us, then, is a beloved disciple. Therefore, when we read about the beloved disciple and how Jesus communicates and interacts with the beloved disciple, we are given an image of how Jesus is personally communicating and interacting with us. Furthermore, the beloved disciple is not just who we are, but who we aim to be. Each of us desires to be, "the disciple whom Jesus loved." God dearly loves us and Jesus Himself said, "This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). The beloved disciple is our model for how to love one another as God desires us to. Now, if John was the author of this Gospel, do you think he is saying "Yup, the beloved disciple is me. I'm the best. Follow me cause I'm the perfect disciple of Jesus." I suppose it's possible, but I argue that John has a theological and literary tactic going on (or at least the Holy Spirit does). Putting a nameless person in the story gives us an opportunity for us to enter the story! Let's enter the story together! This coming week is Holy Week too, and the beloved disciple is mentioned frequently during Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday Let's live out Holy Week! Alright, I am the beloved disciple. I am reclining next to Jesus at supper. Reclining! I am reclining next to God! Wow, Jesus must want me to be pretty comfortable around Him. That is what beloved disciples do. They recline next to Jesus! Next, Jesus announces that one of us is going to betray Him. Uh oh. "'One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved [me in this case], was reclining at Jesus' side. So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant. He leaned back against Jesus' chest and said to him, 'Master, who is it' (John 13:23-25)?'" Yeah, so, Jesus says something that makes no sense to me. I look to my friend, Peter, to take the lead. Peter is the Rock--whatever that means...but he is like the head disciple, so I listen to him. Peter nods his head at me, so I guess Peter is okay with me asking the question. I lean against Jesus' chest. My head rests just over His heart! I ask the question everyone is wondering, "Someone is going to betray You? Who is it?" Jesus gives one of those weird answers that He tends to give. He says that whoever dips the morsel in salt water will be the betrayer. I bet you did not see it coming, but it is Judas. Now, "none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him" (John 13:28). As a personal "recliner-at-table-er" I have no idea what Jesus means (see John 13:26-30). But that's what beloved disciples do. They recline next to Jesus. They look to Peter as a leader. They rest their troubled heads over Jesus' heart. They aren't afraid to ask questions. And...they often don't understand the answers that Jesus gives. ********** We are going to jump forward and I'll give a terribly short summary of what occurs. Jesus gets arrested, put on trial before the Jewish people and trial before the Roman government. He is sentenced to a horrid death of crucifixion and I am there, witnessing it! Jesus, Who personally told me He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, is actively dying! How can the Life, die? Anyway, I'm standing at the cross of Jesus with a bunch of women while all of the other disciples are hiding in fear. "Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold your son'" (John 19:25-26). I am Mary's child? "Then he [Jesus] said to the disciple [me], 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his home" (John 19:27). Now Mary is my mother! The Mother of Jesus is my mother? That is what beloved disciples do. They become children of Mary. They take Mary as their mother. They bring Mary literally into their homes and even into their hearts. ********** Carrying on, to my bewilderment and disappointment, Jesus dies. He has been taken away from me. All I have left of Him is His own mother. After a couple days, though, Mary of Magdala comes running to me and Peter. "So she ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them, 'They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don't know where they put him.' So Peter and the other disciple [me!] went out and came to the tomb. They both ran, but the other disciple ran faster than Peter and arrived at the tomb first; he bent down and saw the burial cloths there, but did not go in. When Simon Peter arrived after him, he went into the tomb and saw the burial cloths there...Then the other disciple also went in, the one who arrived at the tomb first, and he saw and believed" (John 20:2-8). That's what beloved disciples do. They run super fast, but they know that the first shall be last and the last shall be first, so they let others go before them. They have respect for Peter, letting him lead. And when they see that the tomb of Jesus is empty, they believe Jesus is alive! ********** Days later, I'm fishing with Peter and the other disciples in a boat when I see Jesus across the sea. "It is the Lord," I say to Peter (John 21:7). That is what beloved disciples do. When they see Jesus, they tell people. ********** Now, "Peter turned and saw the disciple following whom Jesus loved, the one who had also reclined upon his chest during the supper ...When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, 'Lord, what about him?' Jesus said to him, 'What if I want him to remain until I come'" (John 21:20-22)? Woah! Jesus wants me to remain until He comes! He isn't going to immediately take me up to heaven with Him. Instead, He wants me to remain on earth. What am I supposed to do in this place until Jesus comes? Take a look at the last few verses of my book, the Gospel of John, for the answer. I write, "It is this disciple who testifies to these things and has written them, and we know that his testimony is true" (John 21:24). That's what beloved disciples do. They testify to the Truth until the Truth comes again.
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I once came to a certain man. You see, I had been told about this man several times, but I didn't actually know the man. Something indescribable drew me to the man, and as I approached the man, I saw that I was very, very, unclean. Kneeling down, I begged the man and said, "If You wish, You can make me clean." This man was clearly moved with pity for me, so the man stretched out His hand and touched me. "I do will it," He said, "Be made clean." The dirty mess inside of me left immediately and I was made clean. It's called Confession! The man was Jesus, and the uncleanliness was my sin. Take a look at Mark 1:40-45. Naturally, like the leper who was unclean in this Gospel story, I told people about my healing during Confession. My sins were forgiven, after all. I was a second-grader when I had made my first Confession, so I wrote a whole book about it. Okay...I was in second grade, so it was a short book, but I think it was a good witness. Years later, a bunch of people and myself started following the man together. See, we were all pretty needy--we were blind and in need of sight. As we followed Jesus, we cried out, "Son of David, have pity on us!" Jesus said to us, "Do you believe that I can do this?" "Yes, Lord," we said to Him. He touched our eyes and said, "Let it be done for you according to your faith." Our eyes were opened, and naturally, we spread word of Jesus throughout the land. Thanks, Matthew 9:27-31. This healing happens whenever I'm with others at Holy Mass. This miracle is performed whenever I come together with more than one person to pray. It's one thing to go by yourself, but it is a wonderful, wonderful gift to go with another person to Jesus, in which you receive healing together! A while later, I became very sick. Yes, again. It was a different type of sickness from leprosy or blindness, though. This time I was crippled. Literally, I couldn't move--I was paralyzed. Well, other people transported me. They had to carry me to Jesus because I couldn't get to Him on my own. Jesus saw that the people who carried me had great faith. "Child, your sins are forgiven," Jesus said. "I say to you, rise, pick up your mat, and go home." And that is just what I did. I rose, picked up my mat, and went home. Everyone who witnessed this was astounded and glorified God. Thank you, Mark 2:1-12. This healing has happened to me numerous times. First, at Baptism, before I could even walk on my own, my parents had great faith and brought me before the Lord. Then, there are so many other times when I am just so weak with sickness like OCD or depression that I can hardly move. That is when tons upon tons of people have had faith for me and have interceded with the Lord on my behalf. They bring me to Jesus in prayer, carrying me. Next thing I know, I'm able to walk on my own and it is a miracle! Then, there was that time when I died. Yeah, I died (okay, please know I am being somewhat sarcastic, but at the same time I am being very serious). I was one of Jesus' close friends and had become very ill. My whole family was devoted to Jesus and several of my friends and acquaintances knew Jesus on a personal level. So, when I became ill, my friends and family sent word to Jesus to tell Him that the one He loved was ill. Now, as I said, Jesus loved my family and friends and myself. So, when He heard that I was ill, He stayed away from me for a couple of days. After a couple days, Jesus decided to go visit me. Well, I was long dead by the time He got there. I had been dead for four days. Apparently, Jesus already knew this, and when He came to my grave, my friends and family called out saying that "if you had been here, this beloved of yours would not have died." Jesus said, "I Am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in Me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?" "Yes, Lord," they said. Next, Jesus started to cry over my death, clearly showing that He loved me. People said, "Well, this man opened her eyes when she was blind. Could he not have done something so that this woman would not have died?" As I said, I was dead. But seriously, the next thing I knew, I was wrapped in burial linens in the darkness of a tomb. And Jesus was crying out in a loud voice, "Jacqueline, come out!" I got out of the tomb and walked into the light. I was alive. I was dead, and Jesus raised me up. Because of this, many began to believe in Jesus. Thank you, John 11:1-54. I know that was probably the weirdest one out of all my mini stories, but let me explain. The death and miraculous resurrection of Lazarus is the gift given to every Christian. In imitation of Christ Himself, we die. Jesus could have stopped us from dying, but if that were so, He never would have performed such a spectacular miracle! In the same way, God could have stopped Jesus from dying on the cross, but then, He never would have conquered sin and death! Mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual sufferings ail us all to some degree. As we die to ourselves in our sufferings, we are raised up in Christ. Of course, one day we will literally die and literally rise. A few more things I would like to leave you with in regards to healing and miracles. 1. Healing is not always physical. The spiritual ones are actually far greater than the physical ones. That is why Jesus said, "whoever believes in Me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these," (John 14:12). Just as Jesus' physical body rising from the dead is awesome, His redemption of the whole world and gift of eternal unity with God is far more awesome. Physical healing is amazing, but inner healing is far greater. Even greater than one spiritual healing is tons and tons of spiritual healings. I get healed literally every day! Actually, countless times a day! God is constantly working miracles on me. Sometimes they are huge and noticeable, and sometimes I can only notice them if I talk to God and reflect on them in prayer. Whenever my soul is lifted, someone makes me laugh, a sunset is beautiful, there is grilled cheese in the cafeteria, I further understand Christ's teaching, I have a problem and it all works out, I get a soft bed after a long day, my dog licks my face, or a person encourages or sometimes even lovingly chastises me, I am healed. 2. Notice that in each healing that I listed above in a sort of story telling format (and these were very loosely based off of the healings in the Gospels. I would recommend reading the actual Gospels and praying with them) similarities can be found. 1. A person has to: A. Go to Jesus. The most concrete way to go to the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus is to go to the Eucharist. Therefore, go to a Catholic Church, because Jesus is literally all there! B. Be brought to Jesus. C. Have Jesus brought to he/she. 2. A person has to ask to be healed! Ask and it shall be given to you (Matthew 7:7)! Sometimes, all you have to do is ask. 3. You have to have faith. Jesus often asks if we believe He will do this for us. Do we really believe? We may look at ourselves and think, "Actually, I don't think I have any faith or trust in God. I do believe, but God, help my unbelief"(Mark 9:24)! Do you feel like your faith is the size of a grain of pepper? Wonderful. Jesus says that is all it takes to move mountains. "If your faith is the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). So even if your act of faith is what you would consider pathetic, don't worry, because Jesus can work wonders with that. I mean, if mustard seeds can move mountains, I think you can at least move a hill with a grain of pepper, which is pretty cool 4. Jesus does the rest. All it takes is our one act of the will and God literally works miracles. 5. When you are healed, you gotta tell people. I said Jesus does the rest on the miracle side of healing, but He still has other work for you. That is why He says, "Rise up and walk. Go home. Come out. Arise." You've got to go tell people. Telling people will astound or cause fear in some. And telling people will cause belief in many more. Praise and bless God in conversation. When ask what you did today or over the weekend, say that you encountered Jesus during Holy Mass! Pray so that others may be healed and tell them that you are interceding on their behalf. Act with gratitude and joy because miracles are constantly at work. Jesus has already risen from the dead and the war is already won, so we don't need to be silent or secret. All that is done in hiding, will be seen in the light (Luke 8:17). You have the light of Christ in you. You can't hide it under a basket! In fact, with that mountain or hill you just moved with your faith, put the light on top of that mountain for all to see. (Matthew 5:14-16). So, I was in the chapel on Central Michigan University's (CMU) campus during midterms week. By the way, I had 5 exams, so I was slightly stressed. I looked at Jesus and was like, "Um, can You say something to me? I like hearing You talk." The Holy Spirit said, "Well, open up today's readings. The Scripture is the Word after all." I pulled out my iPhone and with a really nifty app called iBreivary, I found the daily Mass readings for Wednesday of the Second week of Lent. My app always gives a one-sentence summary of each reading. I saw that that day's first reading was from Jeremiah (18:18-20). The summary was, "Come, let us persecute him." I looked up at Jesus. "Not again! This whole Lent, all of the readings have been so mean and hard!" I kept reading. The whole First Reading and the Responsorial Psalm were all about being trapped by one's enemies. I then always hope that the Gospel Reading will give me the warm and fuzzies. I like hearing nice things like "I am the Light of the World" (John 8:12) and "today you will be with me in Paradise" (Luke 23:43). Nope. In that day's Gospel (which was Matthew 20:17-28), Jesus says to His disciples that He is going to suffer, die, and be raised. Then, this lady named Salome asks Jesus for a favor. Salome asks Jesus for her sons to sit at the right and left hand of Jesus in Heaven. Jesus probably does an inward face-palm. "You do not know what you are asking," He says. "If you really want to be first in Heaven, then you must become the slave" (I'm paraphrasing). "Where are the warm and fuzzies?" I wonder. Can't we skip Lent and get right to Easter? Eternal life sounds real nice. It is true, a large amount of the readings during Lent are really hard--they don't tend to make me feel relaxed and like I'm living forever in bliss. Instead, they make me want to ignore that reading and just open up John 14 where Jesus is saying, "comfort, comfort, comfort...." (again...major paraphrase!) I've been really thinking about this lately. Jesus says really hard stuff. Stuff that makes me uncomfortable and uneasy. And I tend to ignore it. But if I ignore the hard sayings, then I am ignoring a huge part of Jesus! I don't want to focus on one side of Jesus--like the resurrection side. It is awesome, but really, the Gospels take up more time leading up to the part where Jesus dies instead of the aftermath. That is because we are in the dying stage right now on earth. We die to ourselves so that we may live anew in Christ. Besides, there is no resurrection without the life and death! Uh...and in between that...passion and crucifixion... So, I want to see all aspects and corners of Jesus. The parts that make me ecstatic with joy along with the parts that are terrifying. Jesus is authentic. He doesn't always give me what I want to hear. He tells me to eat His Body and drink His Blood (See John 6). He tells me that He has come to bring division on earth and not peace (See Luke 12). He tells me that I have to deny myself to follow Him (See every Gospel). Though these are not the words I want to hear, these are the words of eternal life! Halfway through Lent, people! Join me in embracing the hard sayings of Jesus along with the cross. We know where these things will lead us to! Death! And then eternal life! |
AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
April 2021
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Unexpected Church MembersAll words that are underlined can be found on the "Glossary" page
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