In a word, the day I consecrated myself to Mary was enamoring. I'd go so far as to say that it was the greatest day I spent at the Poor Clare Monastery. Now, I was away from my own biological mother. You see, cloistered nuns live inside the monastery and they rarely leave the monastery. Loved ones only visit occasionally so that the nuns may fully invest in their vocation. Though religious sisters are happy to live in the same house as Jesus Christ Himself, they are still full of human qualities! Understandably, it is super common for sisters to be homesick as they adjust to the cloistered lifestyle. When I was there, I was definitely homesick. I was missing my mom's guidance, advice, affirmation, and love. Of course, Mother Abbess was present to me and loving. So was my Novice Mistress. Actually, all of the sisters had mother-like qualities toward me. Whether it was rubbing my shoulder when a sister passed from this life to go to Heaven or giving me compliments and words of encouragement during recreation. Though they helped me, I'm sure you can understand that it did not cure my homesickness and longing for Mom. My mom. One thing you'll notice about Catholics is that they give Mary, the Mother of God, a lot of attention. To be completely honest, that always had unsettled me. Why would I willingly choose to talk to Mary, a human who is not divine, when I could talk to Jesus instead, Who is God Himself? Jesus is God and Mary is not. Therefore, I go to Jesus. Not to Mary. Yet, the Poor Clares clearly loved Mary and had quite a devotion to her. So, I decided that there was something I was missing. If the Catholic Church honored Mary so clearly, then I needed to understand why. I recall looking at a statue of Mary in the choir (or, chapel) of the monastery. The statue was right in front of my stall and I would look at her and say, "Alright, Mary. If you are so great, show me. If devotion to you is so important, help me realize why." Then I added, "And I ask this by the power of God--not you! I worship Jesus--not humans." My friends, God answers prayers. He especially answers the prayers of His own Mother. Therefore, when Mary took my prayer and gave it to God, God was sure to bombard me with the wonders He works through Mary. "Alright," I decided after further pondering and prayer, "I'm going to read a book about Mary. That will probably help me." I looked at the Mariology (yes, there is such a thing as Mariology and it is super lit) section in the monastic library. Obviously, every Mariology title had "Mary" in it and it made me really uncomfortable. True Devotion to Mary, one of them was called. I picked up the book and blew out a breath. I wanted devotion to Jesus--not Mary! I put it back on the shelf. God probably sighed. I had just picked up the perfect book. That was okay, though! God works with us! Another book caught my eye that was pretty old looking. It was small and I actually don't remember the title verbatim. All I remember was seeing the name, "Jesus" beside Mary. It was something like, "Devotion to Jesus Through Mary." Well, I was a lot more comfortable with Jesus over Mary, so that seemed like the book for me. Turns out, as I started reading the book (I'll call it the Jesus Book), it was a companion book to the first book I had picked up, True Devotion to Mary (I'll call it the Mary Book). So much for avoiding the Mary Book. Things fell into place pretty quickly and I was "wowed." I learned that giving attention to Mary never takes away from Jesus. Every time we say, "Mary," she says, "Jesus." I came to understand that Mary is indeed God's creation--God's beautiful creation. She is a humble woman who has been glorified by God. She shows us how to respond to and love God, and that is to say, "yes," to Him. God does all the big powerful stuff like a virgin conceiving a son. All Mary has to do is say "yes," to His will and let Him work fully in her. And look what happens when she lets God work through her. God (Jesus!) resides inside of her. God doesn't choose the Temple of Jerusalem to reside in--He chooses to bless the womb of a woman! Eve, in the Garden of Eden, cast God from her, bringing sin into the world. Mary, welcomed God into her, bringing Jesus Himself--salvation to the world. I became enthralled and fascinated by Mary. I started asking for her intercession and I found my peace and joy deepening. Prayer was easier and though life at the convent was hard, I felt like I had a person who understood all that I was going through and was there to help me through the good and bad. She was a heavenly cheerleader, an active fighter in my spiritual battles, and a perfect model of femininity. As I kept reading my Jesus Book, it told me about the Mary Book. The Mary Book contained a formula for "consecrating" yourself to Mary. It wasn't just some prayer that you said and that's it. No. It was this long retreat-like process of prayer and reflection, to prepare yourself for consecration to Jesus through Mary. 33 days to be exact! This consecration included giving Mary all of your good works and spiritual possessions. Let me tell you something. With OCD, prayer at the monastery was a particular challenge. There were so many people to pray for and I took it as my full responsibility to pray wholeheartedly for each and every request. Whenever I prayed, performed a little sacrifice, or did a good deed, I was the one who had to "offer it up" for a certain person. It was my job to decide when and how hard I had to pray. Then came these Jesus and Mary books. They told me to give up all of my good works and intentions to Mary. I still had to pray, do penance, and good works, but she was the one to distribute the merit of those good works. When I finally consecrated all of my spiritual goods to Mary, I found so much relief! It was no longer my responsibility to get myself and the world to heaven! Instead of my compulsions in which I would write down each prayer intention and tally how many Masses and rosaries I offered up for them, Mary took that role. My scrupulosity tells me I have to pray the rosary with perfect devotion and meditation. It tells me that if I do a good work with imperfect love, then I will go to hell. Mary smashes that lie with her heel. I am consecrated to her and she is the one who makes my prayers and good works perfect for Jesus. St. Louis de Montfort (the author of the Mary Book) says it's like a poor servant gifting an apple to a king. It's a pretty pitiful gift. But, when the queen's mother takes that apple and puts it on a platter of gold, presenting it to the king herself, it becomes a beautiful offering. Mary is the quickest and easiest way to get to Heaven. It was January 1st, 2015, Solemnity of Mary Mother of God. At last, after 33 days of preparation, before the heavenly court, I, Jacqueline Rae, took Mary as my Mother. I renewed the vows of my Baptism, renouncing Satan and his works. I chose to give myself entirely to Jesus Christ, carrying my cross after Him for all the days of my life. I consecrated to Mary, my body and soul, my goods, both interior and exterior, and even the value of all my good actions, past, present, and future, leaving to Mary the full right of disposing of me, and all that belonged to me for the greater glory of God. It was totally my best day at the Monastery! "For we never give more honour to Jesus than when we honour his Mother, and we honour her simply and solely to honour him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek - Jesus, her Son." St. Louis de Montfort, True Devotion to Mary, 94 Also! If you are interested in consecrating yourself to Mary, there are many ways! I would recommend the book, 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitley as it is a sort of "modern" method of consecration. Of course, True Devotion to the Mary, by St. Louis de Montfort is a classic one too--it's just an older style.
3 Comments
Chris Beltowski
4/15/2018 04:22:00 pm
What a wonderful two mothers you have!!!
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Grandma
5/22/2018 10:08:28 pm
Dear Jackie, Your Consecration to Mary reminded me of my own Consecration to Mary which took place many years ago... In preparation I had read St. Louis DeMontfort’s book.
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