OCD wants 100% certainty and 100% accuracy. It wants perfection in all things. So...I'll admit to you guys. OCD throws its hard little pebbles at me when I write my blog. Each post must be perfect theologically, spiritually, intellectually, grammatically, and a whole lot of other requirements that I don't have time to list. Actually, it is common for OCD to freak out after I post something. What if that was theologically incorrect and I am a blasphemer? On whose authority do I write about or cite the Bible? Truly, I am a horrible sinner and should not press the post button until things are 100% perfect. Well...that sure is going to take a while to write my blog post. Of course, it never is perfect, and even if I get my post to be satisfactory for me, my OCD whips me on the head after I post, telling me I'm basically a heretic. Anyway, I had this cool analogy earlier this week. I've been having some typical spiritual and emotional struggles and I looked outside to see that the winter weather really paralleled how I was feeling. I started writing an analogy for my post, but I couldn't post it because it was such an imperfect analogy! OCD isn't going to like it, but I'm going to give you my analogy anyway! Winter. The days are cloudy and I rarely see the sun. I rarely feel the sun. But, I know that the sun is there. Sometimes I can see parts of the sun, which is awesome. The rays of light shining through the clouds, touching my skin when the air around me is cold. Then, on super awesome days, the sun is totally visible! But even when the sun is totally visible, I can't look straight at the sun, as the sun is so bright, my eyes can't take it. Night comes. It get's all the colder and all the darker. Where is the sun now? I know that it can be a cloudless sky at night, and I still won't see the sun. But I see the reflection of the sun. The moon is a bright beacon--not even close to the power of the sun, but it reflects the sun's light softly. Ah! Something I can look at straight on. The light from the moon is so soft, that I don't have to worry about burning my eyes. I can look straight at it. Then, there are all of those little stars lighting up the sky. Isn't the sun a star? So all of the stars that we see on earth could be like mini suns? I really don't know what I'm talking about in scientific terms, but think of what we have: the sun which is the brightest light that gives off energy; it's what keeps us living on earth. The moon reflects the light of the sun--it is far lower than the sun, but the moon gives us a hint of what the sun actually is like. And then the stars, which for us on earth, are mini-suns. Now, I'm going to flip some vocabulary around to give us a nice analogy. Desolation. The days are cloudy and I rarely see the Son. I rarely feel the Son. But, I know that the Son is there. Sometimes I can see parts of the Son, which is awesome. The rays of light shining through the clouds, touching my heart when the air around me is cold. Then, on super awesome days, the Son is totally visible! But even when the Son is totally visible, I can't look straight at the Son, as the Son is so bright, my eyes can't take it. Trial comes. Prayer and life get all the harder and all the darker. I know that I am doing nothing (seriously) wrong during desolation, but I still won't see the Son. But I see the reflection of the Son. The Blessed Mother Mary is a bright beacon--not even close to the power of the Son, but she reflects the Son's light softly. Ah! Someone I can look at straight on. The light from Mary is so soft, that I don't have to worry about burning my eyes. I can look straight at her. Then, there are all of those little souls lighting up the sky. All of the souls are like the communion of saints on heaven and earth. They are mini-Son's. Or mini-Christs. Or Christians. Think of what we have: the Son, Who is the brightest light; He is what keeps us living on earth. Mary reflects the light of the sun--she is far lower than the Son, but Mary gives us a hint of what the Son actually is like. And then the little souls in heaven and earth, striving to imitate or already do imitate the Son. We, the mini-Christs! Well, I did it. That was my analogy. Honestly, my OCD is really annoying right now because it's telling me how technically there are stars in the universe bigger than our sun and that nothing is bigger than Jesus. Even comparing Jesus to the sun is horrible, because He's God--not a sun. And oh! What if I worship the sun and moon? Uh oh! I have to cite the Bible right now--if I don't, I'm going to be excommunicated by the Church. If I do cite the Bible, I will use it incorrectly, and will thus be excommunicated by the Church. If you have obsessive thoughts like me, call it out. Say it's OCD. OCD wants perfection, but OCD is not going to get it. No one can live up to OCD's standards. A compulsion would be trying and trying and trying to make this post perfect., and compulsions are very psychologically unhealthy! And from personal experience, compulsions never help. Alright! Enough from me. Enough from OCD. Folks, you and OCD are going to have to live with an imperfect blog post.
2 Comments
Chris
2/10/2018 10:30:21 pm
I love your analogy. Very creative and reflective.
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8/3/2022 10:31:05 am
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AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
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