It's week four here at college! Sophomore year for me! Woohoo! Now, part of this is my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but maybe this is something we all struggle with: the thought that we need to do more! More. More. More. All of the clubs have started up at school and activities are happening every hour. For me, just a few include student government, students for life, church stuff, church stuff, and more church stuff! Then there is meeting with friends, calling friends, and hanging with friends (this includes my friend, Jesus). I also have so much to write: my blog, and then I'm writing my novel, and then I want to find an internship for the Summer of 2018, and oh yeah...the reason I'm at college...school. Five classes which mean exploding amounts of homework which includes reading and a lot more writing. Those are things I'm currently working on, but there is still so much I want to do. I want to volunteer with the Red Cross, volunteer with the rotating homeless shelter, help with church retreats, go to church events with fellow Christians (even if not Catholic! We are all brothers and sisters after all!), write the twenty other books and novels I have in my mind, spend more time with Jesus and have more fun with friends. Ah! I look at Jesus and am like, "I can't do it all. I can't. I really want to, but I can't. I can't build my resume, find work, be a student, be a friend, be a novelist, be a devout volunteer at several organizations and still have time to sleep at night!" That is when the Good Lord had a wonderful Sunday Mass in mind for me. There I was, sitting in church this Sunday when the second reading popped out to me. It was St. Paul's letter to the Romans (14:7-9). "None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself." Hmmm...that one caught my attention immediately. Paul continued, "For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord." So wait a second! I looked at Jesus again and my mouth parted in understanding. Here is what I got from these verses: If I was living for myself, then yes, I need to be a good student, accomplished worker, famous novelist, mult-organization volunteer and as I do it all, I need to be a saint. However, if I am living for the Lord, then none of my expectations for myself are relevant. All of the tasks and ideas I have in mind may be really cool and could really help people but if I'm not doing it for the Lord, then what's the point? A lot of peace came over me from reflecting on all of this stuff. My hands literally dropped to my sides and my eyes closed their lids as the weight of all of my expectations drained from me. For a moment, I felt vividly that it wasn't myself who was living, but Christ living in me (Gal 2:20). I allowed Jesus to increase and myself to decrease (as good old John the Baptist says in John 3:30). This meant that I didn't need to stress about being a student and accomplishing all of my homework, for if I was trying my best in the Lord, then I would succeed in the Lord. If I still tried my best in the Lord and I flunked all of my classes, then I would flunk my classes in the Lord. As for publishing books, volunteering, building my resume, and such, I needed to rethink my motives. Was I trying to add more and more on for my own sense of accomplishment? Did I think that if I was doing more, I'd be more saint-like; more acclaimed and talented in the eyes of others? Anyway, since it's a few weeks into the school year and I've seen various opportunities, been invited to multiple events, and have had the desire to join certain groups, I know that I can't do it all, and I won't be happy if I do it all, because I'm not doing it for the Lord. So I'll give you a short sample of what I concluded. I go to student government because I'm a representative for my Catholic parish. It's the way I connect my parish life to the university--it's for the Lord. I go to adoration on Wednesday because prayer refreshes me--it's for the Lord. I do my homework and go to class because I'm gaining the skills to get a job and help others--it's for the Lord. I socialize with friends because God made me to be with people--it's for the Lord! I volunteer at several organizations so I feel accomplished and that I'm a great person. Cross that one off--it's not for the Lord. I get my novel published immediately so that I become a famous author ASAP. Cross that one off--it's not for the Lord. I go to every single church event that exists so I can feel like a true, faithful member of the parish. Cross that one off--it's not for the Lord. You see what I'm doing? Guys, I have so much peace from this! I want to encourage all of you lovely readers: when you are busy, stressed and overwhelmed, or you feel like you have to do more, take a look at your motives. Because you're not here on earth so that you can live for yourself--you're living for the Lord.
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AuthorJacqueline St. Clare: I spent six months in a cloistered convent, and now I'm a college student! Archives
April 2021
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